ALIEN ANAL PROBING

July 3, 2018 [WILDLY KRAZY]—It was on a September night…warm…but cool enough for hoodies. Overall, it was a beautiful, clear night as we drove outside of the city to smoke and have a few beers with a group of close Krazees.

We drove two trucks to our favorite smoke and drink spot that was surrounded by wide open fields, and down the road, cornfields. At our hangout, outside of the city—without smog and light pollution—the stars dominated the skies, as you can easily find the constellations, and clusters of stars from our vantage-point.

At the hangout, we parked both trucks side by side, and then we all converged into one truck to drink some beer and pass out a few community joints, while the girls snuggled up against us with their blankets.

There were nine of us in total that night, crammed in the back of Big Boy's truck bed—Mike, myself, KRAZED, Big Boy, Brandon, Matt, Camila, Echo, and Kelsi.

We shared a 20-sack of weed among the group, which was $20-dollars worth of weed back during that time, along with a case of beer.

After finishing off a sack of weed, with a few beers in our system, our conversations entered the Twilight Zone…from government conspiracies to alien abductions, to sex robots…as we were high as fuck, and staring up at the stars.

"If aliens are real, why haven't we seen any?" Brandon asked.

"If you could travel through the galaxies, why the hell would you stop at a planet full of hairless monkeys?" Mike asked.

"We're not hairless—I have to shave my legs and pussy damn near every other day," Camila said, laughing, while snuggled up against KRAZED in a blanket.

"Damn near hairless," Mike shot back.

"We're the most intelligent species on this planet, but we still study animals and insects, so why wouldn't aliens want to study humans?" Brandon asked.

"If you believe in cow mutilation and alien anal probing, then they are already studying and observing humans," Big Boy said.

"Who the fuck flies across the galaxies to slaughter cattle and anal probe people?" Brandon asked.

"Why did the US government fly over the United States to spray a cloud of bacteria into the air for 20-years straight, testing germ warfare on its own people? Why did the government infect Americans with LSD and STDs? Why did the government test mustard gas on American soldiers?" KRAZED asked.

"Governments and militaries are constantly doing weird experiments in order to gain an edge against their enemies. Maybe aliens know something about the human shit-hole that we don't know…maybe our anus is our weakness," KRAZED said, laughing.

"My anus is definitely my weakness—nothing goes near my asshole," Big Boy shouted, before taking a drink of his beer.

"Well, if they find a human like my ex, aliens might be surprised to know a lot of people like anal probing," Matt said, laughing.

"Maybe aliens have a fetish with probing the human anus," Kelsi said, laughing.

"I'll probe your anus," KRAZED said, laughing, talking to Kelsi.

"I don't want my anus probed—thank you," Kelsi said, laughing.

"Just the tip of my tongue?" KRAZED asked, smiling.

"Maybe…" Kelsi said, laughing.

"See, most humans like anal probing in some form or another," KRAZED said, laughing.

"No Manches! Sin sexo a tope," Camila said, laughing.

"I like tongue, but nothing else," Camila added, laughing.

"It still doesn't explain cattle mutilation," Matt pointed out.

"Maybe they're hungry… I mean, flying across the universe has to build up an appetite—it'd be no different than us grabbing a couple cheeseburgers on the way home," Big Boy said.

"What if they're planning to invade our planet?" Matt asked.

"Why would they waste their time doing that?" KRAZED asked.

"Resources," Matt shot back.

"If they can travel across the galaxies, then they can gather resources from asteroids, moons, and other planets without risking war," KRAZED reminded the group.

"Maybe to enslave us…" I suggested.

"Why bother with half-retarded human slaves when they'd have the knowledge and technology to build intelligent clones, drones, or droids…far more intelligent than humans?" KRAZED asked.

"Maybe they want exotic pets," Echo said, laughing.

"Ya, it'd be like humans traveling over to Africa on a safari," Mike said, laughing.

"I, for one, welcome our overlords then, if they want me as a pet," Big Boy asserted.

"Why the fuck would you want to be a pet?" Camila asked, laughing

"Look at the common house dog…all they do is eat, sleep, and lick their nuts—they have it made. No work…no stress…and no responsibilities. Allow me to sleep and eat all day, without responsibilities, and I'll gladly sit around, scratching my nuts and play pet," Big Boy said, laughing.

"Speaking of pets…there is this theory going around that cats are aliens, and I believe it," Mike said, laughing.

"Have you ever watched your cat? Have you noticed how cats stare at you, without any type of emotions, especially when you are having sex? Have you ever noticed how cats disappear for days, and then reappear out of nowhere? Where do they go? I think they're alien spy drones that spy on humans, and then frequently disappear in order to report their Intel to their alien masters," Mike said.

"Think about it—what better spy than a cat? We let them into our house, we trust them, and we do our dirty deeds right in front of them, while they observe and watch, without us even suspecting anything. Every time I masturbate, my cat watches until I am finished and then she will run off and disappear," Mike said.

"Why the fuck would aliens care about humans jerky off or fucking?" Brandon asked, laughing.

"They're trying to breed us as pets, or breed with us," Mike shot back.

"Breeding?! Have you ever seen that alien movie, Species?! If they look anything like that chick, then bring on the breeding!" Big Boy proclaimed, with excitement.

"Yes, but didn't that bitch kill everyone she fucked?" KRAZED asked.

"Maybe they're nice and friendly? Look at the military men that travel overseas to bring back Asian wives… Maybe aliens like exotic women, too," Mike stated.

"Well, if aliens look anything like a Terminator, I'll gladly spread my legs and travel the universe," Kelsi said, laughing.

"You little slut… I hope you catch alien STDs," KRAZED said, laughing.

"Terminator was a robot…and not an alien...so I don't think she'd catch an STD from a robot," Brandon said, laughing.

"Nanobots… She might catch nanobots," Matt said, laughing.

"Like robotic grabs?" Mike asked, laughing.

"I can see it now…Kelsi dies from invasive pussy-bots," KRAZED said, laughing, as Kelsi flips off KRAZED.

"I'll admit, though, I'd fuck the shit out of Cortana's robotic pussy," KRAZED said, laughing.

"You mean that Halo chick? I'd blow bubbles in her asshole," Big Boy asserted.

"You forgot about the androids from Blade Runner…Rachael…I used to beat my meat to her as a little fucker," Mike said, laughing.

"Speaking of beating off, I jacked off to that Britney Spears song…the one where she was in that school girl outfit," Matt said, laughing.

"Britney Spears? She's okay…I would definitely lick her butt-hole, and throw that skirt over her head, hitting her one more time, but she's not that hot. She kinda has a big forehead. If you want to beat off to a sexy music video, check out the Russian lesbians, TATU…That video gave me a chubby every time as a little fucker," KRAZED said, smiling.

"Dude, Britney is way hotter than those chicks!" Matt proclaimed.

"Ya, but I fucked a gymnastics girl that looked just like Britney Spears, with the same type of body and everything, and her pussy smelled like Long John Silver's, so ever since, I have been put off by the Britney type," KRAZED said.

"No…no…Justin from NSYNC…yum!" Echo said, smiling.

"That right there is the reason aliens avoid our planet…Baby bye, bye, bye," Brandon said, laughing.