DEAD ROSE

Artwork and article by KRAZED, WILDLY KRAZY's CEO. Enjoy, Krazees!

June 27, 2018 [WILDLY KRAZY]—We have been roaming and walking for months now…at-least it seems like months… Either way, we have been walking a very long time since the day I found the wandering horde…since the day I was attacked.

Our group of 'survivors' have pretty much stuck together since the day I joined the horde. Yes, we have had many shot and killed by militias and military…maybe about four dozen or so killed…but for the most part, we are a group that works well together.

Occasionally, we will find scrap meat here and there, and we usually do a good job sharing the meat. I mean, for a group of about thirty survivors, a random, decaying body in the middle of the street goes a long way.

We hunger constantly, so we are constantly on the move, roaming aimlessly about, in search of food—whatever flesh we can find. We are not picky eaters, either—rotting...fresh—we will devour any type of meat you put in front of us…so long as we can catch the damn thing…or if they do not fight back and kill us, first.

You see, we all have this…movement…coordination…problem… We cannot move very fast, and for most within the group, running and walking are a huge problem. About two days ago, we had to leave Jonathan behind after his dumb ass got stuck inside of a school bus that sat in the middle of the road. I knew his name because of the McDonald's name tag that hung from his shirt. The poor bastard had a bite mark on the back of his neck, too. Apparently, someone mistaken his neck for a cheese burger.

Either way, there were two police officers barricaded inside of that school bus, so we decided to enter and have a feast, as a group. Afterwards—somehow or another—Jonathan was unable to find his way to the exit door of the bus. The poor bastard just sat in their moaning and growling.

After a few grunts and growls from the group, we gave up and left Jonathan behind. Dave, our group leader, demanded that we carried on, in search of food. Jonathan was on his own from that point on. I wonder if that dumb-ass is still stuck?

It is not Jonathan's fault, though…really…because we all have at-least some form of dementia and coordination problems, and all of our joints and bodies do weird shit now, after we were all attacked and bitten.

You see, not one of us can really talk. A few grunts here and there…and maybe a few words…depending how long since bitten. The longer you live after bitten, the more fucked up your mind and body…so it seems…

Take my dick for instance—I have a massive boner that will not go away. I have had this boner since the day I was attacked and bitten, and the son of a bitch still sticks out of my jeans, all day, and every day. Thankfully, though, I was not eaten alive. I guess god at-least showed me some mercy, after all.

It was back in April when I was attacked… You see, everything went to shit a few months before I was attacked, but Mike Pence quarantined the whole fucking United States from the rest of the world…The first case came from Africa, and then it spread from there.

Of course, Mike Pence then reinstated the draft to combat the plague overseas…to help our European friends and allies. Both men and woman were drafted—all those with the ability to fight—no matter their age—from sixteen years and up. Of course, Trump was removed from office for money laundering a few months before, and after the draft was reinstated, Trump's bone spurs started acting up again, so he fled to Russia with a draft deferment. Russia fell three weeks later, and apparently, from what WILD N' KRAZY reported, Trump was attacked by pissing prostitutes…Russian prostitutes to be exact. The poor bastard was eaten alive, and still blaming everything on Hillary.

Hillary, you ask? Did someone ask about Hillary? I could have sworn someone cared about Hillary… Must be my mind fucking with me again… I hear voices, too—did I mention that part? Shit…anyways…Hillary and her emails went missing shortly after the virus hit the United States. No one knows what the fuck happened to her. If they did know, they were lying and covering up her tracks.

No one knows what happened to Obama and his sons, either… I mean, all of the Trayvons fell with Chicago. Who really knows, though?

Mike Pence, however, thought it was Armageddon, as he awaited Jesus Christ's second coming; except, Jesus never returned...

As for myself, I was two days away from entering boot-camp in the Marine Corps, after being drafted to fight the virus, and the infected. Before I left, I wanted to buy a rose for my girlfriend—to show her that I loved her, and to say goodbye…I mean…to get laid before I left for boot-camp…

After buying a rose for my girlfriend, I left the flower shop, and went around behind the building to take a piss. While I was pissing, a group of angry children attacked me. One of the little heathens bit me on the arm, leaving bloody teeth marks on my arm. After kicking a few of the little screaming bastards, I took off running with my dick hanging out of my jeans. That was the last I remember, until I wake up with the rose still in my hand, and my dick still hanging out, stiff…for unknown reasons… After walking a few miles of deserted streets, I found my current group feasting on a convoy of Soldiers, and not one within my group were killed. Poor bastards…should have joined the Marine Corps…at-least Jarheads know how to fight…

Ever since that day, I have hung on to this rose, as it still reminds me of my girlfriend. I have no clue whatever happened to her, either, but hopefully she is safe… Her name was Katelyn, and she was very beautiful…a bit of a raging bitch…but all in all, she was beautiful, nonetheless.

I think about her all the time—practically every minute of the day—even though I am in love with the new girl within our group. From what I can understand from her, her name is Keira Knightley…whoever the fuck that is… Evidently, she has a thing for pirates, or some shit. I am no pirate, but I sure as hell will give her some booty. Either way, she is sexy as hell, so I follow and walk behind her all day, and every day. In all honesty, from my perspective, the ass view is nice…a hell of lot nicer view than the naked, big bitch that walks next to me.

I call her Bertha… This chick has to at-least weight three-hundred-fifty pounds—at-least… Her titties shag to her belly button, and she is constantly letting out these loud, smelly farts just about every step. I have no idea why she is completely naked, and I do not want to hear the story, but I still have yet to see her pussy.

It is not Bertha's fault, though, because we all stink. Hell, I have not taken a bath in months, and even Keira Knightley smells like a shit house on a tuna boat, and like all of us, she has swarms of pecker-gnats and flies flying around her ass and pussy…like an unbathed pirate. She is a dirty little slut... I guess that is why she digs pirates, though… Nevertheless, for being a little greenish…grayish…and a little blueish…and a bit blackish…and the occasional fish smell…Keira is still the sexiest of our group.

Hell, I constantly try to get Keira's attention, too, and I even tried shaking my pecker in front of her face while she bent down and devoured a dead, road kill squirrel. Apparently, though, Keira prefers other meat, because she paid no attention to my stiff, smelly meat.

You know, I just ramble and ramble in my head all day, and every day. I have nothing better to do, because all we do is walk, in search of our next meal. I think we are starting to starve, too, because we have not found any mea…fuck! A cat!

Fuck it…the damn thing is too fast for me. Hey, at-least we lost half of our group from chasing the cat, which means more meat for me. Bertha said fuck it, too…her big ass was not about to run, either.

Keira did not chase, either… That is weird, because Keira is always chasing meat. Must be my wiener… Yes, that is it! She loves looking at my wiener…little slut…

Damn…this walking is driving me go crazy. I cannot stop thinking to myself, either. I keep hearing voices, as well…lots of voices.. Man, my mind is fucked.

As I was saying, before the cat fucked my mind up… You know, most of the time, I cannot control my mind, or stay focused…it's always wanderin… Hey! Look—a helicopter! A helicopter! Two! No three…Fou..fuck! Four helicopters! I have not seen them since…humans… Humans are coming! Meat! Meat! Yes, Bertha—throw those chunky ass arms in the air! Yes, Bertha—growl you big, sexy bitch—growl! Meat is coming!

There you go, big girl—shake that ass, girl!

Bertha does this shake-thing, where she shakes her ass when she gets excited after seeing fresh meat. Kind of weird, really, but her saggy tits are hypnotic when they sake and jiggle…like long bottle-nipples attached to a ball-sack… I have a fucked up mind, and it is only getting worse… Meat! Meat is coming!

What was I saying? Oh yes, Keira does this weird thing with her face and mouth when she gets excited, too…kind of like that look you give when you are horny and constipated at the same time. It must be a pirate thing, but she is sexy when she does it.

Fuck! Dave just fell through the fucking hole in the bridge! No! Hey, dumb-fucks—quit following Dave through the hole! Dave is fucked! Walk around the hole, idiots!

Fuck…who is going to lead now? Fuck it—I guess I'll lead… Come on, Bertha—come on, hotness—follow me around this hole; meat is just over this bridge, big girl.

Keira—come on babe—follow the wiener…

Hey, assholes—quit shooting at us! Who the fuck puts a Lion logo on their helicopters, anyways?! What kind of retards do that?

Keia! No! Keira! You bastards shot and killed Keira!

No! Bertha! Not Bertha, too… You cruel fucks—you killed Bertha!

The helicopters landed! Meat! Come everyone—run for the meat!

Quit shooting us! We are just hungry! Meat!

Shit…there goes my legs… Hey, look at that…it looks bigger from this angle—on my back… Have you ever been on your back with a boner and you look down? Pretty impressive, right?

Oh my god…my legs… Fuck… I am covered in bullet holes—how can one live with so many bullet holes, losing so much blood?

Katelyn… Katelyn, is that you? Oh my god…Katelyn! You are alive! Who are these assholes you are with?

Yes, it is me, Katelyn! See! It is me! Please do not cry… I am fine—Katelyn, it is me! No, love—do not shoot! It is me! Do not listen to those assholes—do not shoot!

KRAZED…SPADE…CRASH…SMOKE…DUKE…who the fuck names their children such retarded names?! MARS…what military group goes by the name MARS? A rose in the middle? What the hell does that even mean? I am holding the rose, retards!

Katelyn, who are these losers?! Jesus would not approve! Your mother would not approve!

Katelyn, get that rifle out of my face—do not shoot! Do not listen to those assholes—I am alive! See, I brought you a rose and a hard dick…that fixes everything, right, love?! Okay…it's a dead rose, but the dick works just fine; look, the son of a bitch is stiff as a dead guy…

Katelyn…do not switch that rifle off safety… Katelyn! You fucking raging bitc…