#KrazeeWorld

July 19, 2018 [WILDLY KRAZY]—As usual, I am up late at night, getting ready for tomorrow. I am a night owl, so I love the nighttime, because that is when my best ideas flourish. Therefore, when you fuckers are fast asleep, I am up all night, creeping all around…all around…

I do not go to bed until 6am, and then I will get up in four hours and start all over again, with a new day. I work all damn day long, too, except enough time to eat, fuck, and a few minutes of Call of Duty Black Ops 3, which helps me unwind as I slaughter heads.

In fact, tonight's hour long Call of Duty is what gave me the idea of writing another article before I masturbate…I mean…before I went back to work.

No, son—you just cannot keep up!

I love smashing heads on Call of Duty, but my wife hates it when I play, because I am very competitive, and at times, I feel like breaking the damn Xbox because of players on my team.

It never fails, I get those fuckers on my team that dominate with a score of 9 kills and 25 deaths, and we still lose, even though I have over 40 kills and 3 deaths.

What is really annoying is when those fuckers on your team walk right out in front of you, while you're in a fire-fight with the enemy.

I shit you not, I was playing Nuke Town tonight, and while I was dropping fuckers left and right, three of my teammates walked right in front of me out of nowhere, at the same time, causing me to slaughter all three of their heads. I was 33 and 2 when I got booted from the game because of teammates committing stupidity…

That game forced me to write tonight's article.

However, I love slaughtering those fuckers with the clan-tag of [NAVY], [ARMY], and [USMC]…especially [USMC]…

I always giggle, too, when I see a fucker from the Marine Corps on there going 3 kills and 20 deaths, being slaughtered by little kids…

"Look, mom—I'm kicking a Marine's ass!"

"See, Johnny—you should join the Coast Guard…"

Speaking of little kids…I took my daughter and son to Chucky Cheese a while back, right? Of course, I am bored, so I decided to play skee-ball. Well, let me tell you—I suck ass at skee-ball. However, that day, I was kicking ass. I shit you not, I got over 400 tickets within a matter of 30-minutes.

The skee-ball machine kept blurting out, "Winner!" "Winner!" "Winner!"

Now, picture this… When I started playing, all the skee-ball machines were swarmed with little kids, and not one machine was empty, as little kids fought over machines, just to get a chance to play. However, on my last game, all the skee-ball machines were empty, as every single child at the skee-ball area came over, stood beside me, and watched as I played.

On my last game, I was carrying an arm full of Chucky Cheese tickets, as the little kids stared at the tickets, with their eyes bugged out of their heads.

Apparently, they thought the skee-ball machines were rigged like lottery machines, because after I left, a dozen of those little fuckers fought over that one skee-ball machine, while the other machines sat empty.

Next week, I go on vacation… Last year, we went to south Missouri—the first time I have ever been to the Ozarks, even though I live in Missouri.

I have been all over the United States—California [I lived there], Colorado, Minnesota, Florida, Kansas, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, Iowa, Nebraska, Texas, etc—but I had never been to south Missouri.

Last year, my wife wanted to go either back to Florida or down to Georgia for vacation, but I talked her into going to the Ozarks, instead, because I had never been there. Of course, she wasn't as excited as I was, for the simple fact she has been there a ton of times, because she has family that lives down there.

Not only that, but who do you know that has their own family graveyard? My wife's family is so hillbilly, they have a family graveyard in the hills of south Missouri.

My wife's dad tells me all the stories of how their family were hillbillies in the Missouri and Tennessee hills who did not wear shoes. My wife hates it when her dad tells their ancestry, but I find it funny.

I have said this from day one, if there were ever a zombie apocalypse, the Amish, the mountain people, and the hillbillies would survive, because they already know how to hunt, and live without technology.

As for the rest of us fuckers, we would hate life. I mean, fast food and the microwave are the only reasons I do not starve to death, until supper, when my wife cooks.

Can you imagine life without Hot Pockets or Pizza Rolls?

Can you imagine a world without smart-phones, computers or porn?

I am already terrified thinking about it…

Here is a picture from last year's vacation. I blacked out my daughter, because she hates that selfie, because we looked like absolute shit, so she would kill me if I posted a picture of her hot and sweaty, without her hair fixed…god for bid... That night, when I took the picture, it was 112 degrees, according to our phones, so we were drenched in sweat, because we had been walking all day long, in the summer heat. If you look closely, you can see the front of my shit is wet from sweat.

Unlike my princess daughter, I do not give two shits what I looked like in the selfie, because I was having fun…looking like shit.

My daughter is at that age now, where she is worried about makeup, dresses, her hair fixed, and boyfriends… I hate boyfriends, because I know what I did back in the day…corrupting father's daughters.

I warned her, though—"do not try to lie or play me for stupid, because I have already done and seen it all, and I guarantee, I did even worse shit."

She said, "I just won't bring my boyfriend over to the house then."

I said, "Princess, I know fuckers from the Marine Corps and the intelligence community…I can always find you…and no one would ever find your boyfriend...ever again…"

"Mom! Dad is being mean!"

Have you fuckers ever seen those chicks that spent three hours getting sexified, and then taking a selfie on the bed, only to post it to social media with #JustWakingUp… It never fails, because I quickly comment, #BullShit

What is even funnier is the fact it was a girl you dated, so you know for a fact she doesn't look that good waking up!

"Woman, I woke up and watched you get out of bed in your panties, scratching your ass, with your hair looking like a cave woman—I know for a fact, you don't look that good waking up!"

Every one I know looks like Chewbacca getting out of bed—hair all messed up and shit—but today, people want to try and play princess and prince charming on social media, with duck lips… Who ever invented duck lips needs banned from society, because duck lips look like an asshole plastered across your face...

Can you tell the difference?

I will be the first to admit, I snore and slobber like a motherfucker when I sleep. In fact, my wife calls me a "sleeping dragon," because I snore so loud. Moreover, when I wake up, I have a morning wood, while I scratch my nuts. Fucking sexy, right?

Check this out—my wife has all of the guys at her work convinced that she does not fart, or poop, because she never farts or poops at work… How fucked up is that? How gullible can guys be?

I will admit, though, when I was a little fucker, I thought all females were princesses who did not burp, poop, or fart, until I started dating and having sex. By that point, I was traumatized, and upset when I found out that women were just as nasty as us men.

Apparently, though, I need to change the #KrazeeNation slogan to #KrazeeWorld, because we have thousands of subscribers now from Canada, New Zealand, Germany, France, Japan, Australia, England, Spain, Switzerland, and Mexico!

Who knew there were so many Krazees in the world? It is great to see Krazees within Europe, because I love Europeans. I have met several, and they are all amazing people. Very friendly, and out-going, too.

I know a model from Munich, Germany that tried to get my friends and I to go to Oktoberfest… At the time, I was dating some chick, before I met my wife… I told the model, "where would we stay?"

"You guys can stay with me. We will drink and then walk to my place."

Yes, I bet that would go over well with my girlfriend…

"Hey, love—I am going to go on a vacation to Germany with all of my guy friends, get drunk at Oktoberfest with a German fashion model, and then spend the night at her house. I will be back in a few weeks. Love you!"

You Europeans do not understand American women… I mean, when I introduce my wife to people, I am not sure if I should introduce them to Dr. Jekyll, or Mr. Hyde… Hell, one minute she is Mr. Hyde, and the next, she's Dr. Jekyll, rampaging through the house.

Shout out to the European Krazees!

You fuckers have a great day!