PRINCE ABOOBOO

August 15, 2018 [WILDLY KRAZY]—How many of you fuckers remember the early days of email, such as Excite?

Speaking of Excite, we had a confirmed subscriber the other day subscribe using Excite… How amazing is that shit?

Thank you, Excite Krazee—for bringing back so many memories!

Launched in 1995, when I was in elementary school, Excite eventually become one of the largest websites and emails in the world… Who remembers the movie, "The Beach," starring Leonardo DiCaprio? Yes…Moby's "Porcelain."

How many of you Millennials remember getting high or fucking to that song back in the day?

Anyways, Excite was actually featured in the movie during the epilogue, and if I remember correctly, Excite is how Leo retrieved a photograph that was taken on the beach with the group.

I have not seen someone use the Excite email since my middle school days, which is pretty fucking awesome to see someone still using it. By the way, Excite subscriber—are you a Millennial as well. Reach out to us…

Obviously, if you remember Excite, Yahoo, and AOL mail, then you remember Prince Abooboo, right?

Every damn day, I would get the "You've got mail!" notice, and every time I pulled up the email, there was Prince Abooboo, a Nigerian Prince, wanting to "transfer funds" into my bank account, in order "to inherit an estate."

"Your personal financial information is needed to prove that you are the beneficiary, and to speed the transfer of your inheritance."

"After proving you are my long, lost nephew, I will transfer $5 million dollars into your bank account."

There was one catch, however… You had to give Prince Abooboo your bank account information in order to withdraw the money…

Sure motherfucker…sure…

First of all, I am a white motherfucker, and the closest to dark skin in my family is my Hispanic side from Mexico, and none of those motherfuckers were royalty…I assure you.

Have you ever gotten sick from eating Taco Hell…I mean Taco Bell? Yup, more than likely my family members were picking and shitting on your lettuce… It's called E. coli…but whatever the fuck...we Mexicans shit anywhere if we have to shit.

Speaking of shitting, one of my journalists just wrote an upcoming article for WILDLY KRAZY about shitting…

Anyways, I thought I received another Prince Abooboo offer today, except this time, I received a phone call instead of an email.

After receiving 35 calls today—I shit you not—from investors wanting to throw money at me, I received a call from a fucker in New York City, wanting to buy KRAZED Industries and all of its brands.

Do not worry, though, I turned down the offer, because I am not finished building the brands; and in fact, I am working on a website that will compete with YouTube, where fuckers can either create a new account, or login with their KRAZESTER accounts. In addition, I have other plans, as well.

I mean, only three months old, and fuckers are already wanting to buy me out… Fucking rude, right?

You see, they do not give a fuck about me, because it is you they are after…your information...beings I do not sell or give away your shit. Thus, they want the Krazees, because they know the Krazees are the coolest motherfuckers in the world, right?

There is not a motherfucker on this planet that can handle a Krazee!

Speaking of Krazee, ole Donald Trump used the word "crazed" yesterday… That motherfucker knows that shit is spelled with a "K"!

"KRAZED"…get that shit right, bitch!

Nevertheless, I haven't received an email from Prince Abooboo in over a decade, but I do, however, receive emails from Fiery Kate. You see, Fiery Kate is always sending me emails, telling me that she is "home alone, and very horny," and she wants to "have fun and be naughty."

Fiery Kate is fucked, though, because my credit cards are maxed out, and my bank account statement says I am "broke as fuck!"

How many of you fuckers like Maleficus thus far? I am trying to space the entries out so that you do not get bored of them so fast…

In all honesty, I am holding back many articles for September and October, because autumn is my favorite season, while Halloween is my second favorite holiday; thus, most articles are geared towards those months.

Not only that, but many of you fuckers are busy with college and high school that are coming up, so I am letting you get settled in before I release some of these articles…for good reasons. Tomorrow, in my city, everyone starts school.

We have a lot of ghost and Halloween themed stories and true stories coming up; plus, an interview with a porn star, written by the famous SPADE! Yes…you remember him from Maleficus, right? The same fucker that wrote, "SUGAR BABIES: FUCKING FOR MONEY."

Believe it or not, a lot of the shit in Maleficus comes from real world events, and future events…

Do you fuckers remember the Martian with the call-sign "HOTSAUCE," and "BIRTH CONTROL?" Those are real call signs and nicknames from Marines that I knew and met in the Corps.

In the Marines, we had this fucker that would rub glow n' dark body paint all over himself, after stripping down to his briefs, while he danced to Techno music all night—four hours straight—using glow n' dark sticks as his "fire," which is what he called them.

One night, however, damn near the whole company snatched his ass up, and locked him in his locker... True story... I mean, we're all trying to sleep the only four hours of sleep we get, while this dumb ass wanted to party and dance all night to Techno shit. Weird kid, for sure...

You fuckers have a great day!