SHITTY ANAL

June 12, 2018 [WILDLY KRAZY]—Three Krazees and I decided to go play some pool one night, and grab a few drinks, while my Krazee, Brett, was the designated driver.

We arrived at the bar about 7:30pm that night… It was just some random bar—nothing fancy or spectacular—just an ordinary bar, with ordinary people.

At first, we started off drinking Bud Light bottles until our fifth game of pool. By that time, I had already drunk seven beers. I was feeling damn good, so I decided to grab a few shots of Jack and Coke. Chris and I—the other Krazee that was drinking with me; not the designated driver—lined up six shots, each, on the table that we were sitting at.

The game is called "speed shooting"… Normally, you line up six shots per person—side by side, touching each other—while each of you get a quarter, trying to make the quarter into the other person's shot glasses. Another words, you have twelve shot glasses total, while your six shot glasses line up, facing your opponent's six shot glasses, which are lined up in a straight line, too.

Are you confused yet? I am confused as hell trying to describe the damn game, so I drew a picture…do not laugh…

It is similar to the game "quarters," except in "speed shooting," you each get a quarter, shooting the quarter as fast as you can into the other person's shot glasses. Every time someone shoots a quarter into your shot glass, you have to drink that shot. If you lose, you drink the remaining shots as well—your shots, plus their shots, if you lose.

Anyways, Chris wins the game, and I ended up drinking a total of nine Jack and Cokes.

By that time, my head was spinning…just a little…and my walk was a little wobbly, and staggered.

Ten o'clock rolls around, and this group of women walks in—a party of four. They were okay looking—nothing great—nothing you would brag about to your Krazees—but I was buzzed, and it had been about two and a half weeks since the last time I had my noodle wet. Therefore, I kept my eye on them, especially the cutest one of the group, while my Krazees and I continued to play pool, and drinking.

At about 11pm, I was completely shit-faced-drunk, and as you fuckers know, when you get drunk, you are brave as shit… Therefore, I walk up to the hottest girl in that group as she sits, sipping on her girly drink. I asked her if she would like to take a shot with me. To my surprise, she was very eager to do so; thus, I ordered two shots of 'Woo Woo'—vodka, peach schnapps, and cranberry juice.

We chugged our drinks within seconds, so I asked if she would like another one. Damn…to my surprise, she says, "two a piece," while smiling.

Fuck yes…my type of girl… I ordered four more 'Woo Woos'—two for her, and two for me. Within minutes, we had all four Woo Woos drank. After that, I lean over and slur, "I'm getting a Jack and Coke—what do you drink?"

She says, smiling, "Mai Tai, please", which is coconut and spice rums, plus pineapple and orange juice.

After the bartender hands us the drinks, she and I walk over to the pool table where Chris and Brett were playing.

By the time it was closing time, she and I were wasted, as she sat on my lap damn near the entire time, dry-grinding on my dick, while her friends had already left, because an hour before that, she decided to go back to my apartment with me for the night.

Brett dropped her and I off at my apartment, and left. Damn near two minutes into the apartment, we are already kissing, as she dry-humped the shit out of my right leg. Thus, I pick her up and carry her straight to my room, with both hands on both ass cheeks, as we kissed and made out the entire time I carried her.

Once we made it near my bed, she wasted zero time. She immediately stripped down—out of her jeans and panties, leaving on her shirt—before I could even unbutton my jeans. She bends over the bed—chest firm against the bed—slightly spreading her legs, arching her ass into the air, while she stood on her tip-toes.

"Fuck yes! I am getting fucked tonight!" I thought to myself, as my dick hardened even more, causing it to slightly hurt from the massive blood rush.

I do not know why I did it, but I turned my bedroom light off, and began stripping. Thus, I'm standing behind her in complete darkness, trying to strip down while I try and balance myself from the drunken-dizziness, when she says, "hurry up and fuck me…"

"God damn it, lord—help me get these clothes off!" I thought to myself…

Finally! Mission accomplished! I got my shit off, so I run over there like a horny dog in heat, slamming my dick straight into her pussy, causing her pussy to make a wet noise…sounding like stirred mac n' cheese.

I have my left hand gripped around her chin, as my right hand gripped the back of her neck, while I pounded the shit out of her pussy from behind, causing her ass cheeks to bounce back and forth, creating a symphony of fuck noises.

While she laid there moaning and yelling out sex-commands, I got brave, so I pulled my dick out of her pussy, and rubbed the head of it on her asshole, testing the waters… While I rubbed the head on her asshole, she blurts out, "put it in my ass…"

"Well…god damn…you don't have to tell me twice," I thought to myself, as I forced it in her tight booty-hole.

At this point, I am switch hitting—switching back and forth from her ass to her pussy, until I smack her on her ass, sticking it back into her booty-hole to nut, taking pregnancy precautions…

I am damn near on the verge of busting my load into her stank-hole when I start smelling this musty, shitty smell... Thus, I am slow-stroking at this point, while stiffing my arm pits, and sniffing the air like a bloodhound in search of the shitty smell that kept punching me in the nose. The more I pounded her ass, the stronger the smell, causing my stomach to do somersaults as I gagged and retched, so I pull out and run for the bedroom light.

I flip on the light, revealing her bent over my bed with a shit-hand-print on her right ass cheek, and shit smeared all over her back where I had put my hands. In horror, I look down and see shit smeared on the palm of my right hand; smeared on my dick, and shit pieces splattered on my stomach and pelvic area…diarrhea…

Instantaneously, I threw up the liquor, the beer, and the spaghetti I had earlier that day, all over my bedroom floor… It just kept coming up like a waterfall of liquid and red noodles for about two minutes, as the chick ran into the bathroom… Evidently, she saw the shit all over her back when she looked in the bathroom mirror, because she screams out, "you fucking shit all over me! Oh my god! You shit all over me!"

She was drunk, I was drunk, and I was too sick—still dry-heaving and throwing up—to explain to her that it was her shit that was all over her back…

So, here I am, on my hands and knees, dry-heaving as she quickly wipes off with my bathroom towel, gets dressed, and runs out of my apartment without saying goodbye… Needless to say, I never heard from her again, and have not performed anal sex since…

Come to think of it…I never asked for her name, either… I had dirty sex with an anonymous female…