ZEUS FUCKIN'

August 8, 2018 [WILDLY KRAZY]—Is it Friday yet?

How awesome were the primary elections last night? What? You weren't excited, either?

Let me tell you, I was up until 5am last night helping my journalist do articles on the stupid ass shit… Of course, to the media, it is fantastic, because it gives us content to write about, plus its "news." However, to the normal fuckers, who gives a shit, right?

For me, however, running a news media brand is a piece of cake, because I hate both parties; therefore, I have the pleasure of trashing both sides... It is crazy how you see Americans fighting and defending one party over another, too, because...news flash...they're on the same fucking team, and they're all corrupt as shit. I know...I have worked in that world before.

That was my snack last night...and some random mental notes...while I trashed your favorite politican and political party...

Ohio, for sure, was interesting…

After the Ohio election, Hollyweird actress, Alyssa Milano, blamed Russia for a Republican victory in Ohio's special election, "because of our unwillingness to pass policy that protects our election integrity."

"I immediately think the Green Party votes tonight are Russian meddling. Why else would anyone cast a protest vote in Ohio when there’s so much at stake? #OH12," Milano tweeted Tuesday night.

No, buttercup…they were not Russians… One of them, in fact, "came to planet Earth from a planet orbiting a star in the Pleiades star cluster located in the constellation of Taurus."

I shit you not… Joe Manchik, a Green Party candidate for Congress in Ohio, says, under his Facebook bio, "my distant relatives originally came to planet Earth from a planet orbiting a star in the Pleiades star cluster located in the constellation of Taurus."

In addition to that awesomeness, Manchik, who has run for Congress once before, winning more than 13,000 votes in 2016, claims to speak 19 languages, including "Spanglish" and "Sheet Music."

Plus, according to Joe Manchik, he was "voted 'Class Musician'" by his "High School graduating class."

Apparently, those are the reasons 1,127 Ohioans chose Manchik, native of Hell, Michigan, over Republican Troy Balderson and Democrat Danny O'Connor.

I mean, you are an awesome motherfucker if you can speak "Sheet Music." He is also from Hell for Christ's sakes!

How badass can this motherfucker get?

Shockingly, I have never heard of a language called "Sheet Music," though. Is that something you speak at band camp? Meh, I always preferred flutes and pussy, though…

After the article posted on WILD N' KRAZY, I sent a text and the link to my wife, saying, "I think I found your family!"

My wife, of course, is a Taurus, and I give her shit all the time about being an alien—not from Earth—because her family cannot trace their last names…such as their bloodline, or ancestry... In fact, when you search for her maiden name on the internet, Google brings up, "404 Page not found!"

"The page you are looking for doesn't exist."

The other day, my wife asked, "did you hear that?"

I said, "I didn't hear shit…must be in your head… I think your alien family is using advance extraterrestrial technology, searching for you."

A few months back, three F16s flew over our house, so I paused what I was doing, and shouted to my wife, who was in the other room, "the government is looking for you! They know there's an alien around here somewhere!"

"They're using that alien beacon in your head to track your movements!" I shouted.

"They haven't found me yet!" she shouted back…

Of course, I know where my bloodline goes...we were immigrants... Shocking, right? Here are some family photographs of my crazy ass Greek and German family members from the 1800s, 1920s, and the 1940s and 50s... Yes, they came to America around 1840...

Oh shit...that last one is just my son...bless his little ornery heart... I have not a fucking clue what he is doing... I just tell everyone that he takes after his mother...

Ohioans, forgive me… Yes, here I am giving you Buckeyes shit, but I have no room to talk, because Missouri candidates were just as bad last night, especially in our local elections…

After the results came in last night, from our local elections, I told my wife that in two years, I might come out of retirement and enter politics again for the simple fact our politicians are…what is the word I'm looking for…yes…fucking corrupt.

Instead of coaching politicians on attitude and personal branding, I'll for once actually run for an office…

One of my Marine buddies told me, "I'll follow you anywhere—through hell and back—but I have to advise you not to enter politics."

"Why?" I asked.

"Telling world leaders to go fuck themselves, especially an American president, is not very diplomatic…" he said.

Speaking of being diplomatic… Two nights ago, my wife was walking around the house in just a tee shirt, without panties, so I told her, "let me hit that before you go to bed…"

I told her to bend over our stairs that lead up to the second floor of our house, right? At the landing, there is a huge window that allows us to see the sky…

So there we were, she was bent over the stairs doggy style, and I was pounding it from behind… Twenty seconds later, I busted a nut inside, and I shit you not…just as I did, even though it was not raining, this huge, bright lightning bolt streaks across the sky, out of nowhere...

Yes, a storm was coming in, but that was the first lightning we had seen...right as I busted a nut...and we did not see another lightning bolt until almost an hour later, after it started raining.

"Damn…I fuck better than Zeus," I told me wife.

"I knew you were going to say something," my wife shot back.

She has zero room to talk, though… A few years back, we were sitting at a McDonald's drive-thru during one of her lunch breaks, right?

I don't remember how it started, but my wife, with an arrogant and mischief grin, said "I am blessed….God blesses me every day."

Seconds later, after saying that, while we sat in the drive-thru, waiting on our food, she takes a drink from her McDonald's drink, and I shit you not…as she took a drink, her lid popped off the cup, causing her to spill her drink down the front of her, and into her crotch.

I thought about it hard…thinking of the repercussions…but I said it anyways…

"God just sent his blessings…" I said.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…

Looking at me like a demonic possession, without saying a word, she just stared at me in silence.

Yup…I was in trouble…

Even though she's crazy sometimes, the sex is great… You know, I hate bed-sex…it has to be the most boring sex imaginable…

For me, adventurous sex is the best sex, because I get bored very easy… Truth be told, women, unless they are adventurous, bore me to death… Thus, I seek the risky, public sex, right?

A few years out of high school, after a party, I drove to this random neighborhood… The streets were dark, so I figured we were good to go.

For about 10-minutes, I fucked my wife on the hood of my Mustang, right? After we were done, without knowing anyone was watching, several strangers started clapping and whistling from their porches…

"Oh my god…there were people watching," my wife said.

Fuck it, right?

I waved at them, and said, "Thank you! Thank you!"

You fuckers have a great night, and go do some Zeus fuckin'!